An unusual friendship
by Herrdegerre
Summary: An incident involving spoiled milk and the Shinigami mask has resulted in Naruto and Kurama making friends. Now allies, they seek to be awesome. Rated teen for general awesome.
1. Friendship!

Konoha, the Village hidden in Leaves. An unusual name for a village that was in the Land of Fire, which really didn't resemble the land of Fire, more like the Land of Trees, Trees and More Fucking Trees. With more trees than you could shake a kunai at, Konoha was truly a hippie paradise, and the most peaceful ninja village of them all.

"GET THE LITTLE BRAT!"

Or maybe not.

In the main streets of Konoha, an ancient scene that to some villagers seemed as old as time itself played out again- namely, Naruto Uzumaki, unknowing Jinchūriki of the Kyūbi no Kitsune, the strongest and most malevolent of all the Tailed Beasts, was being chased by sticky ANBU, laughing like a hyena at his latest daring prank.

The prank in question was nothing short of ingenious to a five-year old boy starved for attention. In his child-like logic, he'd decided that, since ANBU often watched him when out of the orphanage seemed like they needed a little extra colour besides drab black and white, that he'd bless them by making them orange, like his favourite colour. To do this, he'd staked out a couple of ANBU who looked like they needed the sticks out of their asses, waited until they were assigned to him and then hurled two buckets of orange paint on them and bolted in the two seconds they'd been confused. When they'd tried to follow him out of the orphanage, a bucket of glitter had been tipped on them by a rather ingenious tripwire painted brown, in order to catch them off guard. Now glittery and orange, they continued to pursue the brat, looking for him form the rooftops, occasionally looking really hard for more tripwires. Sometimes, this actually saved them from more humiliation in the forms of large buckets of ditchwater, fake cockroaches and even a glue trap that, were they not on the receiving end of the prank, would have marvelled for its deceptive simplicity. As it was, Naruto was outrunning them, so they put on a considerable burst of speed in order to not embarrass themselves in front of the Hokage, who would probably give them remedial training with Anko and Ibiki. Shuddering, they sped up as their quarry rounded a corner. The little brat wasn't getting off easy. Thanks to Kakashi, they knew what route the Demon Brat usually took.

While the two ANBU were following him, Naruto made a split-second decision that probably permanently altered the timeline. Instead of taking his usual escape route and being caught by Dog-face, he instead took a different route to the edge of Konoha, in some abandoned old building with the Uzumaki spiral there. The ANBU, having just rounded the corner, took his usual escape route, hunting for him. Naruto poked his head out of the door, and cautiously looked around. Since there were still a couple of people around, he ducked back in quickly. For some reason, people usually didn't laugh at his pranks, even though to him they were pretty funny. It was probably because they were all butts who laughed at his dream to be Hokage. Well…

The creepy room he was in had some really cool looking masks on the wall. Although he knew about his family's legacy thanks to the Old Man teaching him about his history, he didn't know what this building was. A shame, as if he'd known he would have been much more cautious with his next actions. The building he was in was the Uzumaki Mask Storage Temple, where the Uzumaki stored masks for their forbidden sealing techniques. There was a reason why most ninja apart from Uzu's ally Konoha was afraid of the Uzumaki's sealing abilities, and even then Konoha was afraid of what would happed should the Uzumaki decide to fight Konoha. As a show of trust, the Uzumaki build the temple and placed the masks there, intended to show Konoha that there were ways to counter the seals. So far, only a couple of shinobi had realised that, just because you had the masks, you didn't know what sealing ritual they corresponded to, thus making them practically useless. Thus, the Uzumaki had technically pulled a fast one on one of their allies while pretending to help them. Pranking was truly in the Uzumaki blood.

Naruto, being completely clueless about this building and its contents, naturally decided to have fun with the masks, as any child of that age would. However, most of the masks in the weird temple-thing were way out of reach for his five-year old arms. Disappointed, he mooched around, looking for something to stand on. Eventually, he found a small box and pushed it over, standing on it in order to reach a really cool mask of the Shinigami. He pulled it off the hook and put it on, making scary 'rawwr' noises.

He jumped back when he heard a creepy voice go, "What the hell." Whipping his head around, he saw the Shinigami himself. Screaming in terror, he ran back even more, but the Death God followed him. Eventually, Naruto was pressed against a wall. In his terror, he felt his stomach stir, and he began to feel ill.

Shinigami looked at the idiotic blond Uzumaki. Honestly, he couldn't leave this realm until the boy did something or made him fulfil his function, i.e to seal or release souls. Suddenly, the boy fell on his hands and knees and started vomiting. As he felt his stomach reeling, only one thought went through the Shinigami's mind.

_FUCK!_

While Naruto was voiding his stomach of some extremely off milk and instant ramen, the Shinigami was vomiting up a Kyūbi-sized mass of Yin chakra and returning it to its proper owner. As he left the physical plane, he briefly wondered whether or not this would be interesting, or rather, worth the pain of vomiting. He was going to feel bad about this for WEEKS before he calmed down.

When Kurama woke, it was to the pleasant sensation of the missing half of his chakra returning to him. He relished in it, feeling his power grow to its original, magnificent levels. Now, to deal with this pathetic seal…

Naruto finally finished vomiting. Sometime during the vomiting, the Shinigami had run off, probably due to the vomit pooling in front of him.

"Y-Yeah! You run, ghost!" He laughed, a little too loudly, in order to cover up his shaking knees. Suddenly, he felt a lurch around his gut.

"Oh no… not agaii-" Naruto was knocked unconscious by the strange sensation.

"**FUCK!" **The Kyūbi snarled, thrashing at the seal. Even though his power had doubled, he was still imprisoned in this lousy seal. The only consolation was that he could now reach his pathetic host with much more ease than he could before. Maybe it was time to have a talk with his unwitting jailor. Speaking of which, the reaction that Kyūbi had tried was going to pull his rather stupid Jinchūruki into his inner world, where he could get a nice, long chat, and maybe get him to rip off the seal.

As Naruto woke up, he noticed that he seemed to have gone to a sewer during the time he'd been unconscious. Weird. Then again, weirder things had happened, like the old man and the little orange books that caused his brain to bleed out of his nose. He'd tried to get some med-nins to look at it, but most of them just ignored him. But these weren't any sewers that Naruto had seen, not that he'd had any experience in such matters. The area around him was flooded by water, and there was what looked like some kind of giant prison cell in front of him. Normally, you would be cautious of such things, but since Naruto was a five-year old, he had none of this knowledge or, indeed, of any tact whatsoever, so he wandered over, curious about it.

The Kyūbi scowled. This was the host of so magnificent a being as himself? The last Jailor, Kushina, was more imposing. Then again, he'd been changed to a ball of fire and practically crucified, so any jailor was a welcome change. Still, he was slightly thankful, if only for the return of his Yin-chakra. As the host approached the bars of his cell, he decided to make himself known.

Naruto examined the cage. Whatever was meant to be here was big. Very big. So big, in fact, that it could probably be the size of Konoha itself, no doubt. As he wondered what was so big, a mighty rumble from within the cage sounded.

"**Welcome, brat. I've been expecting you." **The thing within was-

Actually, Naruto didn't really know what it was.

The Kyūbi looked as the brat looked up in awe, then… confusion? His size certainly brought about other reactions- anger, fear, determination- but never confusion.

"An orange rabbit?" Kyūbi nearly attacked the little blonde for that. Actually, if there hadn't been a seal and it probably wouldn't have killed him, the blonde would be a red smear along the ground.

"**Oi, brat! Are you brain-damaged or are you just stupid?" **In response, his jailor screwed up his eyes and glared at him from behind the slits.

"OI! I' NOT STUPID!" The Kyūbi just glared.

"**As any fool with eyes knows, I'm not a rabbit. I am…" **It paused itself for the moment when the little brat's world came crashing down on him.

"**THE KYŪBI NO KITSUNE, STRONGEST OF THE TAILED BEASTS, DESTROYER OF MOUNTAINS, CAUSER OF TSUNAMI'S! NO CREATURE IS MY EQUAL IN ALL THE WORLD!" **Smirking a little, he looked at his little jailor…

Who was shaking his head.

"Nah, the Yondaime beat the Kyūbi five years ago, so you're nothing but a big rabbit!" At this, the Kyūbi's temper overboiled. He drew himself up with as much dignity as he'd learned over the centuries, and said, in a voice of ice and fire,

"**Brat, you cannot kill the Tailed Beasts. You can only seal them within your own, pathetic kind. We are of a different existence to you pathetic humans. We are the original chakra of the Jyūbi itself, the source of all chakra, removed and named by the Sage of Six paths himself!"**

Naruto looked up in appreciation at the giant fox. Not only was it orange (the best colour in the world,) but it was also really nice. The Kyūbi continued.

"**You pathetic humans have only sealed me three times. While these quarters are better than my last confinements, there are prisons even worse than my own or any I suffered while you humans try to seal us away. And then, you humans mock you, because of us. How does that make you feel, brat? To know that it is the Yondaime who is responsible for your ostracisation?" **Naruto tilted his head to one side.

"**Oh for crying out loud! Ostracise means not to accept! It's thanks to the blonde bastard who put me in you in the first place that you're so alone!" **Naruto just looked away. Seeing this as his jailor breaking, the Kyūbi continued.

"**It's your foolish human values that make you so alone." **

"That's where you're wrong. The Old Man… Teuchi… They care for me."  
**"Care? You know in your heart of hearts that they only want you on their good side." **Naruto then blinked as he realised something. He turned back to the giant fox.

"Hey, you said that the Sage gave you a name. What is it?"

The Kyūbi was thrown for a loop. Never, in all of his life, had he been asked his name by one of his jailors. They'd either been busy angsting about their status, or just getting angry at him. But this boy had been the first since the Sage himself who had even bothered considering the name.

"**Er. Um. Why do you care?" **Naruto looked him straight in the eye.

"Because we're alike."  
**"Alike?" **

"Yeah. We're both prisoners of each other. And prisoners should know each other's name, right? So what is it?"

The Kyūbi was stunned. He'd never liked the jailors, and he never liked them since the Sage himself. While some Tailed Beasts got along well with their jailors, he'd never seen the appeal. Until now, that is. He looked at the conviction in his jailor's eyes, and decided to answer.

"**The name's Kurama. Don't you forget it… brat."** Naruto nodded, and held his fist through the bars of the cage. Kurama looked at it inquisitively.

"It's a fist bump. You do it… to understand people with your fists."  
Two fists met that day, and the fate of the Ninja world was changed forever.


	2. Revelations

Two hours later, and Kurama and Naruto were getting on famously.

"…so then, I covered the toilet paper in glue. Then, when Dog-face tried to wipe his ass, it was stuck!"

"**Brat, you're the best host a Tailed beast could wish for!" **Kurama slapped the ground, laughing. Honestly, this brat was awesome! Covering toilet paper (some kind of invention that humans had made to clean their arseholes, he guessed) was amazingly funny, even if it wasn't burning a whole forest down with his fiery breath, it was still pretty awesome that this 'Dog-face' was completely incapable of recognising the gluey toilet paper.

Suddenly, Kurama decided to let the awesome little brat into a secret.

"**Oi, Naruto. Here's a good one. You know about the Senju and the Uchiha origins?" **Naruto turned to him.

"Well, aren't the Senju the first Hokage's of the village or something? And the Uchiha are the police?"  
**"Well, Senju and Uchiha both come from the same source- the Sage of Six Paths. But even they don't know who spawned them." **Kurama leant back with a smug grin on his face.

"**The Senju think that it was a humble country girl, the Uchiha think that it was a beautiful, noble princess. But the sire of these clans…" **Naruto leant in, anticipating the answer.

"**Was nothing more than a common whore." **Both of them had a laugh at that. The stuck-up Uchiha, born from a whore? Priceless!

"Well, it's been fun, Kurama-san, but I have to get going. I have to talk to the Old Man."  
**"Better you than me. Have fun!"**

Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage, was currently writing a report about the genin turnover at the academy when his secretary opened the door to allow a small, smiling little boy in.

"Ah, Naruto." Visits from the boy always made him smile. Even if those visits were mainly from him getting into trouble with his pranks, he couldn't fault the boy for his attitude towards life. Most Jinchūruki in his situation either responded by outright snapping or became social rejects. Either way, Naruto was one of the most psychologically stable Jinchūruki he'd ever met.

"Jiji! I've got an awesome friend called Kurama! He's really funny and loud, and we're gonna be best friends forever and ever and-"  
"Slow down, Naruto. Who is Kurama?" He'd never seen anybody with Naruto, so it must have been somebody new.

"The Kyūbi no Kitsune!" Hiruzen almost choked on his pipe and the accompanying revelations. The boy had befriended the Kyūbi? The Demon Fox had a name? The Fourth's seal had failed? While he sat there like a frog or toad, Naruto kept chattering on.

"You see, there was this old building with my clan symbol on it, and then there were these awesome masks, and then I put one on and then Shinigami showed up and I scared him off by vomiting and then Kurama-aniki talked to me and I learned his name and then I was talking to him about how I'd gotten Dog with the glue toilet paper and then he told me about the whore the Sage of Six paths had birthed the Uchiha and Senju with and then I came to see you!" Panting, little Naruto looked at the Old Man, still shocked at all of this new data.

Still, he wasn't called the Professor for nothing. With a cough, he turned to Naruto.

"Naruto, I'm sure you know about why the Kyūbi is loathed by the whole of Konoha." Naruto grinned.

"Nah, Kurama-aniki says that it was because of some guy called Madara." Hiruzen was about to laugh it off, but then he decided to, as Kakashi and the Fourth Hokage said, 'look underneath the underneath.' If Madara had indeed incited the Kyūbi- no, Kurama, he'd remember that- then the attack, rather than a tragic accident, had been purposefully planned, by a man who by all rights had died.

This revelation was now making a considerable amount of sense of strange events. He and several other ninja familiar with the ways of sealing had wondered how, when his own wife and the Fourth Hokage were there to make sure that the Kyūbi did not escape from Kushina, that it escaped. If the Fourth was such a genius that he could reseal it in his own son while impaled, then there was reason to believe that Madara had managed to disrupt Minato's concentration long enough to pull the beast out of its prior host. Either that, or Madara had simply been so absurdly strong- and he could testify to that strength, having heard the tales from his teacher- that he'd just pulled the beast out of its prior host. Either way, it seemed that Madara was alive and kicking. He struggled for words.

"I… well, this is a lot to think about. Oh, and tell Kurama-san that I deeply appreciate the information. This has tied up a lot of loose ends." Naruto grinned, and closed his eyes.

"Hey, you hear that? The Old man thanked you!" The prison had changed considerably, from a rather manky looking sewer to a huge forest, with the leaves inexplicably on fire. The Kyūbi, looking at the huge seal that was formed from the trees, scowled, and poked the ground.

"**Idiotic human. I don't want his appreciation." **Kurama growled while simultaneously rubbing the tips of his claws in a happy manner.

"Liar. Anyway, what was this awesome thing you wanted to show me?" Kurama grinned.

"**Since we're partners and all… why don't I give you the full benefits?" **  
"Full benefits?" Kurama nodded.

"**Every Jinchūruki has a special ability, given to them by their Bijuu. Shukaku gives his user the ability to control sand, Matatabi grants powerful fire release techniques and claws, Isobu grants the creation of coral, Son Gokū granted the Lava Release, Kokuō granted incredible strength, Saiken gives out a corrosive gas, Chōmei grants flight, and Gyūki can spit out ink." **He grinned, and Naruto found himself on tenterhooks.

"**My most powerful ability… is the ability to sense emotions and chakra." **Naruto looked at him.

"Sounds kind of lame."

"**IT'S NOT KIND OF LAME, IT'S AWESOME!" **Kurama calmed down.

"**The other power I granted you is the ability to physically transform your body. Didn't know that, did you?" **Naruto blinked.

"That's stupid! Ninja can already transform into anything they like! That's bogus!"  
**"Brat, that's an illusion, not an actual, physical transformation. This one has almost no chakra, can be kept up as long as you want to and it's indistinguishable from that ninja technique, except for the solidness." **Kurama leered at the boy.

"**And my final, amazing power, is the ability to exude hormones." **At Naruto's blank stare, he sighed and translated.

"**The things that your body makes in order to grow and do things. You could inject people with adrenalin, give their body's strange messages, and even change their gender." **

"WOW! THAT'S AWESOME!" Naruto paused in thought.

"Why would you have a power like that?" Kurama laughed.

"**I used it to attract mates. You know what they say- Bijuu need their lovin'." **Kurama sighed. Naruto scrunched up his face.

"You're just a pervert, aren't you."

"**Hey, I'm the most powerful of the Bijuu, I need to have some fun." **As Naruto pondered it, Kurama grinned.

"**Brat, why don't we practise with our awesome powers?" **Naruto grinned.

"Let's do this, aniki."

**Author's note!**

**Yay, new chapter, I hear the masses cry, and lo! There is a new chapter. Anyway, in the next chapter, I promise you, there is going to be Kurama singing the Be a Man song. Why? Because that shit is fucking catchy. How does he know it? … Sharingan and Senju DNA. That is always the excuse in Naruto.**


	3. Training

**Well, I tried to write the song in, but it was too much work. So here we have a new chapter. Be grateful; I almost didn't update this.**

**Chapter 3: BE A MAN!**

Naruto glanced into the forest.

"You sure about this, Kurama?" Inside the seal, the huge fox nodded sagely.  
_**"As sure as you're blonde." **_Naruto nodded. He was very blonde. Anybody with eyes could see that.

"It just seems a little unsafe…"  
In front of him, the large fenced in compound that was the Forest of Death loomed. It actually loomed. Despite it being the middle of the day, it cast an ominous shadow that heralded death and maiming for all who entered.  
_**"Stick with my training and advice, and you'll be good to go." **_Naruto nodded resolutely, and stepped inside.

Meanwhile, Fugaku Uchiha was conviced that the Hokage had gone crazy.

"Sir, Madara died at the Valley of the End battle. Even if he survived, there is no way known to even current shinobi that would allow a man of over a hundred years of age to control a Tailed Beast. Even madara's eyesight would weaken with old age." Hiruzen nodded.

"The Kyūbi attack was instigated by Madara Uchiha himself. Naruto heard it himself from the demon."  
"So the demon has a foothold in the Jinchūruki already. Good to know."  
"Apparently, he's earned the trust of the demon."  
"I'll believe that when pigs fly." Just then, a smoking tiger carcass crashed through the window and impacted with the wall. Hiruzen calmly brushed the dust off of his robes and turned to a shaking Fugaku, who looked like he needed new pants, form the smell of it.

"Will flying tigers do in an emergency?" Fugaku hastily nodded. The Jinchūruki was definitely dangerous for one of those tigers to come flying this far.

Meanwhile, Danzo Shimura was currently holed up in a bunker within the sewers of Konoha. It galled him to live in the roots, but that was the price you paid when you had to save Konoha from all possible threats. And flying, charred, decidedly dead tigers from the Forest of Death meant that Scenario #1,291 had come into play: namely, that the Uchiha had created a Jutsu meant to incinerate tigers and fling them long distances. And Hiruzen called him mad. Mad, he said! Well, he'd show that senile old fool who was the smart one. Opening a drawer, he pulled out his tinfoil Hokage hat and placed it on his head with an air of deliberation.

"Sir. We've discovered that the cause for the flying tiger carcasses was the Jinchūruki, experimenting with his new Bijuudama."  
"I see, 191. You may leave the full details on my desk." If the minion was showing even a trace of incredulity about the tinfoil Hokage hat, then he wasn't showing it. He placed the papers on the desk, saluted and left. Danzo skimmed the report, read it again a second time, and a third when he just couldn't believe that this was the accurate report. It seemed that the Hokage was believing the Uchiha lies about not being responsible for the new flying firey tiger carcasses. Well, he'd just have to initiate the first strike. He pushed the button to let Hiruzen know that he would be visiting. He swept out of his headquarters, still oblivious to the fact that he still wore the tinfoil hat on his head.

"Whoah, that was awesome!" Naruto, currently surrounded by a veil of blood-red chakra, stared at the devastation wrought by him. The tigers in the Forest of Death were used to being the apex predators- so powerful that their biggest competition was themselves. That is, until Naruto had come along. In five minutes, Naruto had proven to be the new apex.

"_**The best thing about Bijuudama is, very little other than a bigger Bijuudama is going to stop it. And apart from the Jūbi, there's none bigger than !." **_Naruto's eyes gleamed, in the way that a pyromaniacs do when presented with a flamethrower.

"Awesome."

Hiruzen stared at his rival. Should he tell him and thus spoil the illusion, or not and have people laugh at him? It was a most puzzling conundrum. Danzo kept ranting on, not even noticing the tinfoil Hokage hat that he wore was in private was still on his head. Eventually, Hiruzen decided to take action. He snapped his fingers next to Danzo's ear, and while the old war hawk was temporarily distracted, he got right down to what he wanted to point out.

"Danzo, you're wearing a tinfoil Hokage hat."His rival looked at him as if he'd just grown a second head that then started singing the 'Nintubbies' themesong.  
"…No, I'm not. Whatever gave you that idea?" With a sigh, Hiruzen pulled the offending hat off of Danzo's head and showed it to him. Danzo did a very good job of impersonating a one-eyed fish.

"Now, if you don't stop trying to implicate the Uchiha into the burning tiger corpses, I won't mention the hat to the council."  
"…Deal."


End file.
